Epic Suicide Notes? Anyone?

To be honest, I don't really contemplate suicide in any serious manner, because I am far too hateful to take my own life, and leave neighborhoods filled with happy people completely unheckled. We all need a purpose, and mine is to be a bitter, soulless buzzkill who spends his entire day inside a house with closed curtains, leering at people who dare to make eye contact with me when I go out to grab the newspaper on the front steps, and shouting occasionally at that damn kid who always brings his dog to crap on my lawn.

But, after hearing about some kid who recently jumped out of a window on the 17th floor of his dorm building, and reading the articles written about it, about how mysterious and bizarre his motivations are for having done such an unthinkable act, I begin to start thinking. What questions pop up in other people close to a person who kills themselves, and how could you write a suicide note that served to help the people you left behind to cope, rather than leaving a few enigmatic phrases scrawled on the back of napkin?

Well, first, I read through one of the articles in the newspaper written about this tragedy, condemning Mental Health Services for not properly caring for this kid (which is incredibly ignorant, because these people are not psychic, depression is common, and there is little effective treatment for depresssion aside from handing out antidepressants, which also are ineffective in their own ways, or spending months, or even years, in therapy, which is beyond the scope of what could offered to every student by the school psychologists alone). It was after that when I determined that the first thing that should be addressed is that casual acquaintances and mental health professionals should not be held accountable for the decision to take your own life. The suicide note should be written to fully explain that there is no one person responsible for your decision, and that blame should not be bantied about in regards to matter.

Related to explicitly denying any individual person's fault in the matter, and assuring them that there was very little that they could do (assuming that that is actually the case), you should clearly and eloquently explain the motivations behind killing yourself, why it is more than just a little bout of sadness that spurred such activity, and to reassure family members and loved ones that you do not want them to feel guilty, to acknowledge that you know that they loved you, but that merely knowing that to be true could not help you become happier, and that it was not enough of an excuse to endure living. And, after expounding upon the benefits granted by not living (in that there is no more pain, and you do not have to worry about success anymore), you can try to leave the reader with the notion that you did not kill yourself in moment of blind passion or sorrow, but with resolve, coldly rational and profoundly tinged with suffering, that justifies it, even if the reasons seem petty.

It is a suicide note that would tie up questions of legal rights, all questions of motivation, of blame, of whether there could have been something to stop them or if death really was the best solution (slightly more common among the elderly). It would be one that would leave doubts about their mindset, and would leave no room for misinterpretting, no room for dismissing them as weak, no room for finding people to shove guilt upon. It would be a perfectly written tome, a masterpiece, a document worthy of being published by its own merits. It would be an expression of thought and emotion so eloquent, that the writer's passing from the world would be without incident, as all mysteries surrounding the departure would be perfectly explained within the text left behind, and would be written in a manner that was soothing enough to make mourning transition into acceptance faster than could possibly be expected for even the most anticipated of demises.

It would be an epic among suicide notes, providing insight into the minds of such people for generations to come. Unfortunately, most people in such a state really do not have the mindset to decide to leave anything for posterity, and, also unfortunately, I am not of the impression that my own thoughts are typical enough of those in the depths of depression to be able to leave a message on all such people's behalf. So...this little conceit is nothing more than a perverse idealistic dream. But, I'm sure that someday, somewhere, such a document will exist. Of course, by the time I realize this, I'll probably stop caring.

Short attention span powers, activate!!!