Friday, November 28, 2008

The Economy's Dread Return is Nigh!!

The masses, in their infinite wisdom, have yet again offered up their annual blood sacrifice to the dark god called "consumerism". But, no, we would not settle for merely killing someone accidentally underfoot in mob formation, during our pursuit of ideal spending conditions. No. Not this year. Too simple. This year, we hedged our bets. We made sure that our lord and master knew that we meant business. And we had two guys shoot each other to death in a Toys R' Us. We hope that the dreaded one awakens from its slumber, and finds our gift delicious.

16 comments:

Mandar Malum said...

The Black Friday chaos is ridiculous... I have heard from close friends about some fights that have sprung out in our local stores this morning...

mac said...

Yes, the true religion of America.

$ C O N S U M E R I S M $

Asylum Seeker said...

"The Black Friday chaos is ridiculous... I have heard from close friends about some fights that have sprung out in our local stores this morning..."

Strange thought. These people behaving like animals....how many do you think are creationists? The very people declaring that even mentioning that we are part of the animal kingdom destroys our moral foundation...how many are themselves stampeding over slow shoppers and gunslinging in a toy shop? The idea tickles me. Mostly because I have given up on being sickened by anything that happens anymore.

"$ C O N S U M E R I S M $"

Took me forever to realize that those were dollar signs. Stupid blogger comment typeface...

And, yes, it is the only religion that unites all of the lesser religions and political ideologies: are willingness to stomp others into pulp in the name of bargains.

Mandar Malum said...

"how many do you think are creationists? The very people declaring that even mentioning that we are part of the animal kingdom destroys our moral foundation"

I know! It is truly amusing how many creationists act like animals when backed into a corner when you question their beliefs also!

Asylum Seeker said...

Now that's just mean! Animals don't talk out of their asses and make blatant lies in order to save face!

But, there is at least one case of a creationist killing someone in a debate over evolution. And the rest do bear a resemblance to sheep...

Pliny-the-in-Between said...

Last night I saw a Walmart ad where people kept falling through the ceiling trying to be the first one in the store for the after TG consumer death match. I do love irony but I wonder if they pulled that campaign.

I know it sounds awful but you also have to wonder if the high up exec's were ambivalent about the incident - terrible tragedy on one hand but indicative of strong retail on the other.

Pliny-the-in-Between said...

While on the subject of irony - we should remember that since creationists out reproduce evolutionists by about 3 to one, that the very natural selection they deny is favoring their eventual triumph.

Me, I have a date to catch the Mother ship...

Pliny-the-in-Between said...

Finally, I surprised you didn't mention South Carolina's 'Second Ammendment sales' - no tax on guns bought today! YOOHOO got to buy em up before Obama gets sworn in. I mean 6 or seven guns isn't enough... No arguments in a gun store.

Richelle said...

uck, black friday. i'm all to happy to pay the higher original price to not have to deal with the mob of idiots foaming at the mouth to get a deal.

there was heavy rain all day today in east texas and a bunch of these lunatics were getting in car accidents because of this ridiculous fiasco.

i, personally, refuse to even leave the house on black friday unless the house is on fire or someone is bleeding profusely.

if i really want to get a deal on something, i do like my step dad does and wait until a few days after xmas when the stores want to get rid of all their overstocked merchandise then throw the shit in a closet for 11 months until the maniacal season starts all over again and i've already got the bitch covered.

Asylum Seeker said...

"Last night I saw a Walmart ad where people kept falling through the ceiling trying to be the first one in the store for the after TG consumer death match."

Heh. Prophetic.

"I know it sounds awful but you also have to wonder if the high up exec's were ambivalent about the incident - terrible tragedy on one hand but indicative of strong retail on the other."

Personally, I wouldn't care much if I were in their position, because they are not at fault. They lost an employee because their customers are f'ing nuts and were willing to plow through the guy who opened the door in order to get those sweet, sweet deals. It's their fault, and the coverage of the actual details will only have Wal Mart's presence as background noise due to that limited role(and free advertising...as if they need it). They have neither guilt nor worry due to this, so all that they really get is the sign of "strong retail" as you mention. Which I'm sure gives them a nice smile.

As for the creationists...they may outproduce us, but, since we have facts on our side, it is becoming harder and harder for them to breed creationists...

Asylum Seeker said...

"there was heavy rain all day today in east texas and a bunch of these lunatics were getting in car accidents because of this ridiculous fiasco."

Speaking of natural selection...
[okay, that one was cold, even for me]

"if i really want to get a deal on something, i do like my step dad does and wait until a few days after xmas when the stores want to get rid of all their overstocked merchandise then throw the shit in a closet for 11 months until the maniacal season starts all over again "

Wow. That's some real preplanning there. Personally, I would just have it be a family tradition to celebrate Christmas a week later, like, on New Year's Eve, in order to just make it so that you can always have the opportunity to get post-Christmas bargains. But, it might be hard to manage if you want to celebrate with more than a few close relatives.

I don't understand why the Black Friday tradition even exists. I doubt the bargains are that great, and you still have a damn month to shop. It just seems like a symptom of extending Christmas from a two day period to a two month season. And it is as pathetic, petty, and mindless as the holiday itself has become.

Richelle said...

i was an employee with lowes for 2 black fridays and it was hell on earth. i worked in the tools department and had to deal with all the jackasses wanting to get those cheesy black and decker power scissors because they're too damn lazy to use normal scissors. black and decker makes the cheapest, most retarded, and completely unnecessary crap and EVERYBODY wants it.

but my favorite people to deal with were the ignorant wives who came in to get something for their husbands but really have absolutely NO CLUE what in the hell they are buying and then get mad at ME because THEY aren't sure whether their husband wants a circular saw, miter saw, jigsaw, or reciprocating saw.

then their are the store managers. the managers always made black friday even more difficult to deal with because back friday is like crack cocaine to them. you can't even be near them because their energy level is so off the charts that you almost have an aneurysm just listening to them talk about store signage and product displays.

and that is all black friday is about. corporations tricking people into thinking that they just HAVE to buy the black and decker cordless power scissors (which now come in 4 fantastic colors!) for 30% off the original price (offer only available from 4am-noon). and people are actually stupid and greedy enough to fall for it.

Asylum Seeker said...

LOL is the only conceivable response. I bow down before you.

pboyfloyd said...

What you need to do, in that situation, is put up a 'demo' circular saw, with the other saws given a piece of the 'pie' that is the 'saw'.

You say, "Does it look like THIS?" pointing at the skill saw.

If no, the squeeze the trigger.(zinggggg!)

Whatever 'lands' UP, that's what you recommend!

pboyfloyd said...

I think that this the right-wing libertarian machine 'in motion'.

"Recession? You can't blame Bush, he inherited a 'flawed' system. The surplus was an 'illusion' really and Reaganomics CALLS for belt-tightening and squandering middle-class wealth.

"Diversion?" War with Iraq was necessary to fight terrorism, depose a cruel leader, track down possible WMD's, FREE the Iraqi people, do SOMETHING in the wake of 9/11 not negatively affecting Saudi Arabia.

"Huge debt?" Neverending war is expensive but necessary for all the above 'good' reasons.

"Economic collapse?" Well, bankers caused it and bankers are immune FROM it!
Bush can't be blamed because this recession is already a year old and (see above) there was this diversion.

In the end it is all written out in the PNAC 'manifesto', all going according to plan.

Asylum Seeker said...

Heh. Interesting arguments that you've been exposed to, pboy! Let me toy around with those old gems for a moment, too.

If Bush inherited a flawed system, he really didn't try to do a hell of a lot to fix it, now did he? If we wanted to fight terrorism, Afghanistan should have been sufficient, and if we wanted to toss dictators out of power, there are hundreds of other candidates, so why go after Iraq, instead of Iran, North Korea, Saudi Arabia, or hell, if we have people's best interests at heart, intervene down in the Congo! Possible WMD's was the bottom line when going into that mess, yet why we overlooked North Korea still, I haven't the foggiest. I seriously cannot believe that people are still bringing that tripe up.

Blaming the bankers is one thing I sympathize, as well as blaming the government for forcing the bankers to accept risky loans. But, it's only one factor in the big, broad, majestic tapestry that is economic failure.