2009: Bill O'Reilly starts crying due to the continued insistence of using the term "Happy Holidays" (even on his own website). People continue to laugh at him. Bill Donohue gets his own show on Fox News and does the same. He promptly dies of a heart attack three weeks later. Christians launch a full scale assault on city halls across the country with ornaments, Christmas trees, and plastic baby Jesii. 12 were killed.
2010: Bill O'Reilly throws a temper tantrum when cities refuse to put up Christmas displays this year.
Jesus returns. He is promptly killed by Christians who think that he is a radical liberal terrorist from Mexico.
The Christmas tree in Times Square is blown up by secular jihadists, who are subsequently thrown into Guantanamo and forced to listen to Christmas carols.
2011: Bill O' Reilly enters the fetal position around mid-September because there aren't enough Christmas lights. Santa gets a bionic arm with which to strangle anyone who catches him stealing cookies from unsuspecting chimneyed households. Christians start trying to hide menorahs in order to keep Christmas from "losing the War on Christmas". Secularists feel confident in their inevitable victory, and build barricades around state Capitol buildings. A few abortion clinic bombers were redirected to try to break through the barricades, but just wound up in prison on charges of being "drunk in public".
2012: Obama is re-elected and Bill O'Reilly is now in a mental ward after being diagnosed with an acute case of wingnuttery, coupled with delusions of moderation. Fox News subsequently becomes obscure and unnoteworthy. Santa continues world-wide burglaries and murders. Jesus is once again killed by a shotgun wielding Christian. And most state buildings remain devoid of any holiday displays for the next decade or so (save for the few cluttered ones where they provide an accidental open forum for everyone by letting a porcelain baby Jesus slip through).
2023: Bill O'Reilly strangles Jesus to death in the asylum. Jesus had been put into the mental facility for coming back after being killed 12 times in a row, and proceeding to kill off random fundamentalists. His lawyer forced Jesus to plead insanity after recording all the conversations they had in which he claimed to be the son of God.
Santa Claus's killing spree is finally put to an end when the U.S. military guns down his sleigh. They proceed to confiscate his bags,containing hundreds of thousands of weapons that he was smuggling to children across the globe. They would also confiscate the sleigh in order to reverse engineer it and determine how it is able to travel at light speed. Rudolph is still on the loose.
2024: President Cthulhu is elected for a second term.
October 2017 Horror Watching, Part 2
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