Thursday, May 8, 2008

How To be an Atheist: ZOMG more than one step!

On Ray "Jesus Banana" Comfort's blog, a brilliant man named "Ex-Atheist" decided to offer some insight into how one goes about being an atheist. Let us have a look into this profound masterpiece:

How to be an Atheist:

1) Refute everything in the Bible because men wrote it.

Or we could just refute the fact that it is infallible, divinely inspired, and God-approved due to the fact that was only written by men. But...that's the same thing to you, isn't it?

2) Believe and quote other writings of men to prove that the Bible is wrong.

Hey, if they actually have proof, they've got one up on the Bible. Besides, I'm not the one who has hang-ups about trusting the works of men instead of "works of God".

3) Completely ignore the inconsistency between steps 1 & 2.

It's inconsistent to trust what competent human beings with valid evidence say, but to distrust a book rife with mythology because people claim that it was written by a supernatural entity when that is clearly untrue? Well, forgive me. You can go back to believing your 2000 year old book, admittedly written by men, and thus no more credible than any other holy book or mythological text.

4) Call yourself a “freethinker” and “open minded” but don’t practice such virtues when it comes to Christianity.

Why would we have to be open-minded and freethinking in regards to Christianity when a majority of the population throughout the history of the Western world have given them such a leeway? Sure, it is the democratic thing to do and all, but, seriously, after spending much time, deliberation, and effort in trying to be open-minded about Christianity, I find that I really don't need to be, since the believers give themselves enough elbow room without me helping by trying to give them a level of consideration that I am not expected to give any other belief system or religion. Christians will not suffer if I show them the same level of closed-mindedness that they show to everyone else.

5) Try to laugh out loud every time a Christian makes a statement about what they believe even if you don’t think it’s really that funny. This helps avoid a “serious” conversation.

A serious conversation about theology? Trying not to laugh...but bring it upon yourself!

6) Always bring up Zeus, Allah, and Santa Claus to prove that if you must believe in one God then you have to believe in all of them otherwise it’s just not fair. isn't! There is no possible reason that you would believe Yahweh to be true over any other god that is logically defensible.

7) When referring to the Bible use the word “myth” as often as possible and call believers whatever names you want because the goal is to frustrate the Christian so that his sinful nature comes out and he gets angry and then you can call him a hypocrite

Pssst...they don't need our help! They are usually frustrated, angry, and ready to indulge in their sinful nature far before we even get to the table! Also: myth!

8) Set your own moral standards very very very low so that you’ll never look like a hypocrite yourself. The lower the better.

That is hilarious! it is perfectly alright to have lofty, unattainable morals that you hold others to abide by, no matter how ridiculous. But having morals that are practical, more intuitive, and harder to break without going way off base...that's just cheating!

9) Never answer a question directly but quickly change the subject to make a completely different point. If you’re asked why you keep changing the subject just repeat this step as necessary.

....and that is why the Jews have a natural fear of panthers. Wait. What were you saying?

10) Be as argumentative, loud, sarcastic and verbal as possible – there is no need to make sense or use logic in your arguments – just keep arguing.

The irony. It burns!!11!1!on2!3!!

11) Use words like “strawman,” “ad hominem,” “fallacy,” “red herring” and non sequiturs” against every argument whether you understand those terms or not.

I'll make it a new years resolution of mine to not point out the fallacies in your argument. Which means I still I've got 7 months, motherfucker!! Strawman, implicit ad hominem, all wrapped up in a massive persecution complex. Nice job.

12) Claim that atheism is rooted in “common sense” even though less than 10% of the human population claim to be atheists.

(Spillover warning) Ad populum! Since when has something being common sense or not been dictated by whether people actually realize it or not? Because, to be honest, the things that are typically deemed to common sense are logical, simplistically true, but still overlooked by a sizeable portion of people. Common sense: so obvious, that you decide it can't possibly be what you are looking for.

13) Reject all notions of faith even though you must put your faith in pilots, cars, food, doctors, evolution, and the next chair that you sit in.

Oh yes...the classic fundie word definition project (copyright 32 A.D.). The faith that I require for those people, objects, and ideas is not the same kind of faith you have for Jesus, your Lord and Savior. It is a faith that is marked by trust in thoroughly tested human beings, past observations of performance, concrete evidence and data from these things in the present world, and experience of all the things, with the exception of evolution. Your trust is in people you have never met or seen, your observations are unverifiable by anyone aside from yourself, your evidence is subjective, and your experience of anything that you are having faith in is non-existent (unless you consider the experience of having faith to be an experience providing for faith...which is dizzying). In short, the similarity between faith in the unfalsifiable and faith in the probable outcome is pretty much limited to semantics only.

14) Always ask for evidence for God but never accept anything presented to you. At the end of a discussion remind them that all you needed was some evidence for God.

Ugghh. Ever occur to you that your "evidence" is weak? That all of your evidence of God basically presumes that you already accept that he created existence, relies on faulty reasoning, or is simply anecdotal and could be easily dismissed solely as a psychological phenomenon? No? Yeah. Didn't think so...(sigh)...

15) Quote only the Bible verses that make God look mean and unfair.

You mean, quote the Bible verses that Christians like to pretend don't exist? You mean, basically, cherry-pick for quotes of the exact opposite nature that Christians try to cherry-pick? Because, I think it is patently dishonest for those verses to be left alone by Christians, in that it shows a patent refusal to accept the fact that God may not be exactly what your pastor told you he was. But whatever...obviously looking at the whole Bible is not what a good Christian is supposed to do. Sorry to expose you to the half of the Bible that you were supposed to disregard.

16) Talk about being a good person remembering that you are allowed to define good however you would like because there is no objective moral standard.

I am a good person by your purported objective moral standards, even if none really exist beyond your own suppositions. But that doesn't matter, because the moral standards of your religion are reprehensible.

17) Say that you have read the Bible and that you understand what it teaches whether this is true or not.

I have not read the entire Bible. I may not have understood what it supposedly teaches, but, in all honesty, I think that you take too rosy of a view of what it teaches, anyway. When it comes down to it, I am really hard pressed to find anyone who derives their morality directly from the Bible. What other lessons it teaches aside from that, I do not know. Personally, I think that Buddhism would be better at it anyway. Also, ad hominem in suggesting that atheists do not understand the Bible simply due to the fact that they do not share your boundless love for the text.

18) Only pick on Christians – you don’t want to get killed in a Jihad. However, be sure to say that there is no difference between Radical Muslims and Fundamentalist Christians.

We "only pick on Christians", because 1. Christians are the majority where we reside, and in the world, and are thus the biggest target 2. Muslims are a minority in the Western world, and thus not a comparable social evil and 3. Christians make sure to "pick on" Muslims enough as it is without us helping!

19) Always use the crusades to make the point above.

Hey, you can't deny the past, right?

20) Remember that you are looking for faults in other worldviews not trying to defend your own – do not try to prove atheism! Remember, it’s much easier to destroy than build up.

There is nothing in atheism to build up! Skeptics do not need to prove anything, since skepticism is simply not accepting the claims that others are making about a certain subject! Of course it is easier to destroy than to build up, but, you see...the problem is that you are building things up, but, unfortunately, the architecture is suspect at best and with little to no foundation. Our attempts to demolish the edifices of faith is merely so that we can prevent you from being crushed when it inevitably collapses in on you of its own accord. A house built on fairy dust and unicorns cannot stand!

21) Make the claim that you only have one life and don’t want to waste it on religion.

I have no problem wasting my life on religion. I just don't have any particular reason to pick one over the other. So, I spend my time delving into a variety of religions without adhering to any one of them. It's actually funny how easily atheism comes when you have been exposed to more than one religious worldview. Says something. About religion.

22) If your conscience begins to bother you because of moral guilt you can numb it with drugs, alcohol, sex, or pride. You can give up the first three but never give up your pride.

I've got plenty of guilt, but, then again, if you don't feel guilty, you probably should. Oh, and no drugs, no alcohol, no sex, and I may have some pride, but I hate myself just enough to make up for that infraction. To be honest, I thought that rampant sex, drug use, and alcoholism was more common amongst the Christian folks once they were free and let loose upon the world as adults. But, then again, maybe America really is a sitcom from the 1950's, and Christians are chaste, sober, humble, and friendly by default. Unfortunatley, I find that Ned Flanders is a rarity in our culture.

23) Everyday feel free to thank God that you’re an atheist – just in case.

I'll stick with Brahma, thanks.

So....I'm guessing that this guy just calls himself "Ex-Atheist" without actually being one. A lying for Jesus cherry on top of a fundie-licious sundae. That's it for this dip into the shallow depths of the absurd. Peace!


Jeff said...

Good answers to weak characterizations of atheists.

Asylum Seeker said...

Thanks. Just goes to show the weakness of strawmen goes both ways :)

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