PZ Myers: The Man, The Legend.

The Scienceblogs compel me...

• PZ Myers naturally selects freshmen as his breakfast.
  
• PZ Myers stabbed the Eucharist so hard, that even the Holy Ghost was impaled in the process. And there was much rejoicing.
  
• PZ Myers can annihilate trolls before they even come into being, and can post on his blog at the speed of light. It is even said that he can blog at such a speed as to consume the entire internet in the process, while blogging about things that have yet to occur.
  
• When PZ Myers evacuates his bowels, a creationist is born, which he will immediately afterwards eviscerate and display as a trophy to the awestruck villagers.
  
• When told what the "PZ" in PZ Myers stands for, the minds of the innocent were invariably shattered by the mere mention of those unbridled syllables, not meant for mortal ears.
  
• PZ Myers the man is merely an illusion. The true PZ Myers existed 17,000,000 years as a hyperintelligent reptilian pygmie who wiped himself out of the fossil record in order to not confuse the mortals, and subsequently formed the Illuminati. In its following millenia of dormancy, he projects the image of the man who we call PZ, who appears as a fellow human in order to lull us into a false sense of security.
  
• PZ Myers eats babies. Fact.
  
• PZ Myers once enterred an arm wrestling contest with Chuck Norris. PZ may have lost his arm that day, but Chuck Norris learned that he simply is no match for tentacles...
  
• PZ Myers can force creationists to evolve into monkeys upon hearing his voice. Unfortunately, some creationists are beyond even his powers, and are merely banished into void via the power of sheer argumentation.
• PZ Myers once had a knife fight with Mohammed. I won't spoil the outcome, but let's just say there is a reason why Muslims don't want you to depict their prophet's face...
• PZ Myers can breathe water, drink air, and make stones so large that even God can't lift them. PZ Myers, however, can also lift them.
• PZ Myers can use "PYGMIES + DWARVES" and not have it be a non-sequitur.
• PZ Myers can use his cyberpistol on Catholics, but he can use cybernukes on creationists. On everyone else, he just prefers machine guns.
• PZ Myers is 12 stories tall, and made of radiation.
• PZ Myers is the baby daddy. EVERY baby daddy. [Sexual selection at work]
• PZ Myers's power level can go over 9,000. In addition, he is the original founder of 53 separate schools of martial arts, 32 of which are only taught to the strongest 10 people in the world, who are subsequently shot after learning of the school, because the secrets are that dangerous.
• If a young nubile Christian child so much as touches on of PZ's shirts, they will either instantly become atheists or explode on the spot.
• PZ Myers takes ass and kicks names.
• And, finally, PZ Myers is....BATMAN.

I'm glad I could be of service.