Friday, August 8, 2008

Bananaland, Ho!

Newsflash: Ray Comfort is making a fool of himself! I present, for your amusement, the worst strawman of atheists ever concocted, which Ray proudly presents in his sidebar, as an undying testament to his profound levels of idiocy.

1. Whenever you are presented with credible evidence for God's existence, call it a "straw man argument," or "circular reasoning." If something is quoted from somewhere, label it "quote mining."

Oh. Can't point out logical fallacies now, can we?
Well, anyway, let me posit that Ray Comfort believes wholeheartedly that everything that can be uttered from a human throat is undeniable truth if they do so with honesty, regardless of whether they know what they are talking about. Thus, Ray thinks that we shouldn't teach our children mathematics.
Also, unicorns must exist because they left behind a grocery list. That grocery list is a trustworthy code for which to design our own grocery lists because it was written by a unicorn.
And, finally: "Good people don’t go to Hell." -Ray Comfort.

(Got all three fallacies covered....)

2. When a Christian says that creation proves that there is a Creator, dismiss such common sense by saying "That's just the old watchmaker argument."

If you are assuming that existence is "created" then of course there is going to be a is by your very choice of words that this conclusion must be made. But, unfortunately for you, we do not need to presume that the universe is a creation, so your conclusion of a Creator is equally weak.

3. When you hear that you have everything to gain and nothing to lose (the pleasures of Heaven, and the endurance of Hell) by obeying the Gospel, say "That's just the old 'Pascal wager.'"

That's because it is Pascal's Wager. And it is utterly uncompelling.

4. You can also deal with the "whoever looks on a woman to lust for her, has committed adultery with her already in his heart," by saying that there is no evidence that Jesus existed. None.

There is evidence that Jesus existed. Just not a very compelling amount. And not a large amount indicating that Jesus's existence is proof that the particulars of the Gospels are correct. Besides, that particular quote be taken one of two ways: 1. it is an honorable attempt to show that one's desires and thoughts can inhibit us as much as our actions or 2. that your particular deity punishes us for even thinking about a "sinful" activity in the flightiest manner, illustrating an inability to understand nuance.

I assume that you prefer the latter interpretation.

5. Believe that the Bible is full of mistakes, and actually says things like the world is flat. Do not read it for yourself. That is a big mistake. Instead, read, believe, and imitate Richard Dawkins. Learn and practice the use of big words. "Megalo-maniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully" is a good phrase to learn.

It is full of mistakes, believers in the Bible did believe the world was flat and some verses suggest that it is a valid perception, and most atheists have read and understand the Bible better than believers. Not to mention the fact that lack of religion (atheism) is not a cult of personality, and not all atheists even like Richard Dawkins, let alone want to emulate him. Also, the tacit suggestion that you are afraid of "big words" really tickles me.

6. Say that you were once a genuine Christian, and that you found it to be false. (The cool thing about being an atheist is that you can lie through your teeth, because you believe that are no moral absolutes.) Additionally, if a Christian points out that this is impossible (simply due to the very definition of Christianity as one who knows the Lord), just reply "That's the 'no true Scotsman fallacy.'"

Yeah, that's right, the atheists are the ones who lie. Atheists could not possibly be former Christians in a nation that is 80% Christian and attempts to indoctrinate children at the age of 8 onward. And, with your definition of Christianity, there are very few Christians in existence, and yet you could not prove their Christianity either way. Which is why it is the "no true Scotsman" fallacy. Belief in Christian doctrine is sufficient enough, not unverifiable divine connections or whatever you are attempting to gerrymander the defintion to.

7. Believe that nothing is 100% certain, except the theory of Darwinian evolution. Do not question it. Believe with all of your heart that there is credible scientific evidence for species-to-species transitional forms. When you make any argument, pat yourself on the back by concluding with "Man, are you busted!" That will make you feel good about yourself.

Nothing is 100% certain, including evolution. But, it is our best evidenced explanation for differentiated life at the time, so that makes it good enough to be believed in. Why do I get the feeling that you are writing these after several tear-stained hours reading atheist comments that completely eviscerated your arguments, and you somehow managed to remain ignorant to that fact, but just felt like you were being unjustly persecuted by the mean evolutionists?

8. Deal with the threat of eternal punishment by saying that you don't believe in the existence of Hell. Then convince yourself that because you don't believe in something, it therefore doesn't exist. Don't follow that logic onto a railway line and an oncoming train.

You should really be wearing garlic necklaces, have silver bullets on you at all times, and wear a tinfoil hat. Just because you don't believe in vampires, werewolves, and telepathic aliens doesn't mean that aren't real.

9. Blame Christianity for the atrocities of the Roman Catholic church--when it tortured Christians through the Spanish Inquisition, imprisoned Galileo for his beliefs, or when it murdered Moslems in the Crusades.

Catholics are Christians, deal with it.

And, for irony's sake:
10. Finally, keep in fellowship with other like-minded atheists who believe as you believe, and encourage each other in your beliefs. Build up your faith. Never doubt for a moment. Remember, the key to atheism is to be unreasonable. Fall back on that when you feel threatened. Think shallow, and keep telling yourself that you are intelligent. Remember, an atheist is someone who pretends there is no God.

LOLZ must follow. Most atheists don't have many other atheist friends. However...the religious...

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