"What's So Great About Blaming The Democrats For September 11th?"

[Note: The post title is basically a spoiler happy alternate title for book D'Souza's book "The Enemy at Home." Which (gasp) he shamelessly plugs by reiterating! ]

This little blog post by Dinesh is a frantic, grasping attempt to try to justify his opinion that exposure to liberal Western media and values is what caused those terrorists to get so angry at us a few years back. He uses the book "Who Speaks for Islam?" to lend credence to this idea of his, although, the ultimate conclusion of the book is that our foreign policy and perceived disrespect of their religion is the key reason for anger, rather than perceived immorality. But the facts have never stopped Dinesh before....

In the seven years since 9/11, we have been subjected to all kinds of ignorant pontification--much of it from the left, but some also from the right--on "why they hate us."

Quoted for irony.

Esposito and Mogahed argue that traditional Muslims, who make up the bulk of Muslims in every Muslim country, strongly identify with the Western principles of rule of law, self-government, and religious toleration. In fact, their main critique of America is that, as they see it, America backs secular dictators in the Muslim world who deny to Muslims the rights that are taken for granted by Americans.

Yes. Their main critique of America has to do with foreign policy. You see that clearly in this book. You are acknowledging it in this very paragraph. And yet...

They reject the shamelessness and frequent depravity of American popular culture. They reject the type of feminism that relinquishes the home in favor of careers. They are resolutely anti-abortion. They consider homosexual marriage to be an abomination.

Oh noes! They are arch-conservative prudes on top of that! Obviously, this must mean one, and only one thing: they hate us for our freedoms!!!1!!1!

But when conservative and religious Europeans and Americans are polled, it turns out that the percentage of people who are fine with homosexuality is about the same as that of the traditional Muslims.

Yes. This is true. Dinesh will be engaging in "push under the rug" mode in three...two....

First, that the values of the cultural left are an important source in alienating Muslims worldwide. Second, that Muslims don't reject modernity or the West: rather, they embrace what may be termed "1950s America" while rejecting the libertine values of the 1960s. Third, America can build alliances with traditional Muslims by showing them the face of traditional America, so that they see that Hollywood values aren't necessarily American values. Finally, left-wing groups like International Planned Parenthod and Amnesty International should stop pushing feminism, gay marriage and libertine values in the Muslim world.

Holy f@#%$&*@$#burger! What a change! The entire article up to this point was basically "here are some facts and conclusions. Neat, I know. But, look away for a minute, because this is what is really going on". I sincerely do not know why Dinesh thinks that the "values of the cultural left", which are basically equal rights for gays, women, and people of all races and religions should be so offensive as to be the only reason that Muslims are pissed off. You'd think, you know, the violence thing would be a bigger factor. Especially when the book you are citing to support your own reaches that conclusion. I also cannot begin to fathom how we could abandon those values, I do not know why we would want to do so just to appease some people who are willing to kill us over being free and equal, and I cannot believe that Dinesh is making an appeal to "the good ol' days" as the assumed perspective of over one billion people (who are hopefully not as naive.)
And I seriously doubt that we are pushing for gay marriage in Islamic countries. "Feminism" maybe. Gay marriage...well...they have other problems to address before that (you know...like not executing people for being gay...).
Also: "Parenthod"?

Pundits like Chalmers Johnson love to say that American intervention in Iraq and
elsewhere has produced a "blowback" of terrorism from the House of Islam. Wrong!
It is in Iraq that America is allowing an elected Muslim government to rule
according to Muslim interests and Muslim values. Iraq is the only country in the
Middle East where the Muslim population actually chose its own rulers. Iraq is
not the problem. Rather, it is the values of the cultural left, and the cultural
imperialism that seeks to impose those values on reluctant Muslims, that is the
real source of Muslim rage, and the best recruiting tool of the radical Muslims

And now I can conclude, after months of reading Dinesh's articles and suspecting it all along, that Dinesh D'Souza is a certifiable moron. Either his head so far up his own ass that he is currently engaged in a boxing match with his own brain, or he is just functionally braindead, and merely types messages on his computer when a precisely applied electric shock causes him to spasm and slam his face on the keybard. He just doesn't have any idea how we noble Americans went about giving that democracy to those appreciative Iraqi Muslims, does he? Doesn't think that terrorists could possibly be perturbed by our toppling governments on false pretenses and insisting that we impose a new one on them? Everyone in Iraq and the entire world is hunky-dory because we gave them a nice, sparkly democratic government, built on the corpses of over 100,000 civilians. Hell of a world you live in, Dinesh.
Here's just one tiny bit of advice: it doesn't matter if you can decide who your leaders are, if there is nothing to lead or if the leadership is crappy. We are making strides, but their democracy is still fledgling, and I doubt that everyone is of the impression that it is the best thing since sliced bread yet. It is disgusting that you are trying to blame terrorism on short-skirts and gay rights. It is even more disgusting that you do so in such an underhanded, yet gleefully confident fashion.
The idea that anyone refers to you as an intellectual, a scholar, or as anything but the right-wing tabloid writer you really are amuses me greatly. I honestly hope that people will wake up and smell the bullshit real soon. Until then, I offer a toast to the arrival of your latest truckload of fail.

Wafergate: Aftermath

Bill Donahue is still crying over PZ Myers desecrating a communion in protest to the treatment of Webster Cook, wafer smuggler. And, about a month and half after the fact, it is even more hilarious.

When I spoke to a reporter from Providence about a play that mocked the
Eucharist, I unloaded. Fortunately, he listened to me explain the source of my
anger. “Because this is the fourth incident this summer of someone playing fast
and loose with the Eucharist,” I told him.

I believe that I hear the sound of the world's violin playing. Poor wittle Bill, those meanies are making him cwy.

The first incident occurred when Washington Post religion editor Sally
Quinn decided she would show how much she cared about the late Tim Russert by
doing something she hated to do—receive Communion; Quinn is not Catholic.

Boo-friggety-hoo. The idea that you have to be "Catholic" in order to take Communion seems kind of arbitrary, doesn't it? Oh wait...I am talking about transubstantiation. Some bizarre and arbitrary criteria for participation is far from the most ludicrous aspect I assume...

The second incident was worse: a brazen student from the University of Central
Florida walked out of Mass with the Eucharist to protest some innocuous school
policy.

1. He ran out after someone tried to strong-arm him into eating it.

2. That "innocuous school policy" was an unconstitutional financial support, by a state school, of a religious organization. It is only "innocuous" to you, because it helps out Catholics.

The third was obscene: University of Minnesota Professor Paul Z. Myers
desecrated a consecrated Host to protest my criticism of the Florida student.

It wasn't just about you (though you helped put things into motion). It was all the good Catholics who sent death threats to Mr.Cook that spurred him into action. And the death threats directed at him afterwards pushed him over the edge into actually going through with it. Which he performed rather tastefully, all and all.

So when the reporter called to ask why I was unhappy with some woman who decided to mock the Eucharist in a play, he touched a raw nerve.

Cue violin again.

For fifteen years I have been president of the Catholic League, and never have I
seen such a series of assaults on the Eucharist. What’s going on?

One was an accident. The Webster Cook thing was also an accident (debatably). And Myers was reacting to incident 2. So, I think that you are overreacting [gasp].

And what accounts for the total failure of the University of Minnesota to hold
Myers accountable?

Here's my guess: because he didn't do anything wrong legally, and what he did was not done in the role of a professor at the university, but as a citizen, so...free speech...

What’s going on is that militant atheism is all the rage....Hatred of religion
in general, and Christianity in particular. The bulls-eye, of course, is Roman
Catholicism. I’ll give them this much: At least the religion bashers are smart
enough to know who’s on top.

Please. We are hardly "militant", you could hardly call what we have "hatred", and the only reason why we pick on Christianity so much is because it is the world's largest religion, and it is also the one that is adhered to by 80% of our neighbors.

As for your remarks about Catholicism, aside from having the longest history, and being the largest individual Christian institution, atheists could care less about your Church. You're an easy target, and many in mainstream Christianity (hell, even in some Catholic churches) don't even believe that you are a Christian denomination. You receive friendly fire from not only other denominations, but from your own disaffected members. Your Church and traditions are just ripe for satire, even after being plucked and pulped so many times before. You're not a bulls-eye, nor the top. You are a formerly influential corner that currently contributes very much to the population of shooters, and could be broken off and be completely disregarded by the rest of Christendom.

What these authors do is embolden their base. To be specific, they energize
atheists to be more in-your-face about their convictions, the result of which is
an agenda to attack Catholicism.

More or less correct until you get to "whaaa, why are the evil atheists picking on the cafolixx!" part. Again, we do not care about Catholicism any more than other Christian denominations that are comparably intrusive and abusive.

The sick climate that these zealots have created could not have succeeded
without a little help from their friends.In the case of Myers, that means the
administrators at the University. They had several options available to them,
and they passed on every one of them. Predictably, they hid behind academic
freedom, claiming they were impotent to do anything about Myers’ off-campus
behavior.

What did you honestly expect? You can't punish a person for being mean to ideas. Especially when he has not doing so as a representative of his place of employment.

Does anyone believe that the University of Minnesota would do absolutely nothing
about a white professor who packed them in at a local comedy club on weekends
doing his racist rendition of “Little Black Sambo”?

I would honestly hope that "being a racist" isn't a fireable offense if it doesn't extend into his role as teacher or his grading methods. Also, I find it rather hilarious to liken a harsh critique of unfounded ideas to racism. You tend to rant a lot about anti-Catholic bigotry, Bill. It is funny. Anti-Catholic sentiment does exist. It is just nowhere near as bad, currently or historically, as racism. Criticizing your beliefs isn't bigotry, though. Especially when it is coming from atheists (because we give the same kind of criticism to EVERY religion's unfounded beliefs). You should really look to your fellow Christians for that. You know, the ones who don't think that you are Christian, call you Mary-worshippers, and will go on and on about how you don't worship Jesus correctly and are going to Hell for it. Those people. Not the people who are protesting against a bunch of overreacting death-threat lobbers who happen to be Catholic.

Would the very same administrators plead helplessness about a professor who
spoke to community groups off-campus about the mythology of the Holocaust?

Holocaust Envy, huh? You really are trying to stretch here, aren't you? Honestly, once again, as long as Holocaust-denier bizarro-Myers was not using his role as professor to further such an argument, it would, ideally, be ignored.

Lest anyone not be convinced, need I remind you that Larry Summers was driven
out of his job as president of Harvard University for remarks that radical
feminists found objectionable.

And that was an overreaction. Just like your's in this situation. But, slight distinction: Summers' statement was made within his role at the University, not on a personal blog.

It cannot go unsaid that Summers’ comments were made off-campus.

At an academic conference. It is not like he was just talking with his buddies over a cup of coffee.

Moreover, when Summers spoke, it was made explicitly clear that he was not
speaking as president, but as an academic.

Well...sucks for him, then.

Academic freedom was instituted to protect contrarian professors from being
hounded out of the academy for challenging the conventional wisdom on a
particular academic subject.

There you go. Now your on the right page.

It was not instituted to protect hate speech.

Fecking moron. That didn't take long. How is "the Catholic Church has done bad things in the past, Catholics are overreacting to the Cook fiasco, and a human life is worth more than tradition ", verifiably true statements that do not reflect any hatred for individuals on the mere basis of their being Catholic, hate speech? You are chasing phantoms of something that never was, Donahue. Calling out a religious institution is not hate speech. Nor is bringing up the past deeds of that institution. Nor is bringing up the behavior of a small section of those people and responding to it. Nor is nabbing something with a price of $.02 which is handed out freely and throwing it away as your response.

Myers is free to say whatever he wants about his specialty, which is zebrafish,
but he has no moral right to assault the sensibilities of any religious group.

Myers is an American citizen first, biology professor second. The responsibilities of the second should never deprive him of the rights of the first, especially when not in the role of professor. And, considering what tiny things count as an "assault" of your "sensibilities", I am going to call bullshit. You have no right to that level of protection from opposing ideas.

At the very least, the president should have convened an assembly, with members
of the press invited, to unequivocally condemn what Myers did. Even if what
Myers did was outside the purview of the president’s authority, there was
nothing stopping him from holding such a forum.

That's just franky bizarre. Do you really think that the president of the University really wanted to drag PZ, and the entire school through the mud, just to appease the few angry cafolixx like yourself who even cared? Do you even think that this obscure thought even occurred to the president, assuming that he himself even gave a damn about it? Grasping at straws...

Over the summer, Myers’ personnel file ballooned: everything that happened
regarding this issue is in it. Which means that he’d better be careful about
bringing his religious bigotry to bear in the classroom.

The only "religious bigotry" I am aware of is in between folks who, you know, are PART OF A RELIGION THEMSELVES! Myers doesn't get a hard-on for dishing out the hurtie to Catholics, all right? That is very specific, peculiar fetish that only religious nuts have a particular enjoyment of.

If just one Catholic student complains that he is being treated unfairly because
of his religion, Myers will have to answer.

I doubt it. I doubt that Myers teaches classes that are small and intimate enough for him to be aware of a student's religion, let alone be able to discriminate against them for it.

Because of the hate-filled milieu that Myers and his ilk have created, all
kinds of copy-cats have come forth. Some have put videos of themselves up on the
Internet. They all go after me big time, and that is as it should be. They know
who the enemy is, and for that I am eternally grateful.

And thus Bill ends his tale of woe and whining, and cries for vengeance, with a brief allusion to his persecution complex and his wish to self-flagellate himself until he can finally get his Viagra to kick in. And we are, understandably, left perturbed and exasperated.

On truth, Truth, truf, and TROOF.

truth: An accurate assessment of reality; something that isn't false; a claim that is supported by, or consistent with, the facts. Factuality; actuality.

Truth: That which is considered to be the supreme reality and to have the ultimate meaning and value of existence. Often used inappropriately in place of the word "TROOF".

truf: Informal phrase that means "that is the truth", or simply "truth"; petinent to irrelevant, trivial, and insignificant matters only. Statements that could be called "truf" either are personal to the point of being irrelevant to anyone but the persons directly involved in the matter, or are otherwise obvious claims that do not advance a line of reasoning, and are often used for deceptive, manipulative purposes beyond the scope of the statement itself. See also: "non-sequitur".

TROOF: [for a lower-case version of the same word, see the definition of the word "truf" for alternate definitions.] A concept, or set of beliefs that is either believed by a sizeable chunk of society or believed with unwavering conviction by a specific individual addressed. The concepts or beliefs relevant are often either factually unsupported or outright falsehoods, but are nonetheless presented as truth or Truth (see above definitions) by those that hold them. The people involved must also present no possible doubts of the veracity of their claims in addition to the above criteria in order for the ideas presented to fit this definition. Bonus points if they are belligerent assholes about it. See also: "faith".

Hovind Scale Links

Definition of the Hovind Scale, and Rating Details
The Hovind Scale is used to rate Creationist statements about the nature of reality and assign a value to how ignorant, scientifically illiterate and / or outright dishonest they are.It is named after the convicted fraudster and Young Earth Creationist Kent Hovind. He is currently serving time because of his "overly flexible" attitude to the truth, and before his incarceration was regularly lying for Jesus.

100 - Utter Hovind - the person might actually BE Hovind (if he has net access from his cell), but if they're not they are certainly talking complete and utter Hovind! Lies and ignorance knowingly combined and asserted as fact! The state of the art of Lying for Jesus.
90-99 - Positively Hovindian - while not managing to be quite as ignorant or mendacious as the master himself, this person still displays positively Hovindian levels of scientific illiteracy and dishonesty
60-89 - VenomFangTastic - not quite up in the fully Kentian levels, as there may be some slightly mitigating circumstances (youth or inexperience for example), but still a person who can be relied on to produce long winded and scientifically illiterate or self-contradictory arguments ex recto at a moment's notice
30-59 - Profoundly Creotarded - This person likely has little or no scientific knowledge, and they are actively Lying for Jesus at every opportunity.
21-30 - Creotarded - A run of the mill Creotard, with a balance of ignorance, illogic and mendacity
12-20 - Partially Creotarded - Some very serious misunderstandings about reality, and a hint of zealotry beginning to rear its ugly head
6-11 - Pushing The Limits of Decency - starting to go beyond what is reasonable, but dishonesty or scientific illiteracy are becoming too obvious to ignore.
1-5 - Surprisingly Decent - a pretty good effort, with a combined honesty / scientific understanding far beyond the typical Creationist zealot. You might well be able to have a sensible discussion with this person. Educated laymen with a genuine desire to explore the issues may well turn up in this category.
0 - The Blue Butterfly Effect - a well constructed and intellectually honest argument, informed by a comprehensive general scientific understanding and in-depth knowledge of the specifics of any relevant scientific work. If you want to debate this person, you'd better know what you're talking about!

Calculating the Hovind Factor Score

"Hovind Factor = (X + s + i + p) x (m + 1)
where:
Belief in scripture - “X”
0 - No doctrinal belief required
1 - Metaphorical use of Biblical/Qu’ranic quotation
2 - Belief in scripture as the infallible word of God. Timeless, inerrant and absolute. (AiG/The flud etc.)
Scientific Illiteracy - “s”
0 - Full understanding of detailed, advanced scientific principles
1 - Overall grasp of principles with some understanding of specific area being discussed
2 - Vague understanding of general principle but with poor grasp of many details
3 - No understanding or knowledge of area being discussed
4 - Rejection of basic scientific facts/laws/robust theories and/or denial of any evidence that contradicts scripture
5 - Ray Comfort (Extreme, moronic and puerile level of 4 above)
The idiocy scale - “i”
0 - no discernible stupidity
1 - slightly silly, but understandable
2 - foolish
3 - daft
4 - rather funny in a slightly worrying sort of way
5 - very funny in a very worrying way
6 - scary stuff
7 - very scary
8 - unlikely to be accepted by anyone with more than two functioning neurons
9 - Moronic. Stark-bollock-naked, off-the-wall, wing-nut
10 - Kirk Cameron or VenomFangX
Paradox - “p”
0 = Statement is logical and self-consistent
1 = Statement acknowledges slight flaw in internal logic but glosses over it with babble.
2 = Statement relies on an assumed divine intervention to explain self contradiction.
3 = Self contradiction invalidates statement completely, and is left unaddressed.
and
Mendacity - “m”
0 - Total honesty
1 - Statement maker knows they are telling enough of a porkie to try to mislead a generally credulous audience
2 - Statement maker knows they are lying enough to try to mislead an educated audience, or they are repeating a lie that they have previously been corrected on.
3 - Whopper! (including plagiarism)
4 - Complete, burn-in-Hell, perjury grade, super-lie - for example, one that is strategically designed to mislead authorities or the general public (e.g. as witnessed in the Dover trial and Expelled).
Using this formula, a completely honest statement of scientific merit would score a Hovind Factor of zero.
The maximum Hovind Factor, HFmax, is a completely insane statement which contradicts all scientific evidence but adheres totally to religious doctrine and which the person making the claim knows to be untrue - while at the same time the statement also completely contradicts itself - would score (2 + 5 + 10 + 3) x (4 + 1) = 100."

Hovind Scale Calculator

(This rating system is truly brilliant! I just wish that truthfulness wasn't weighted so heavily, since, as Poe's law shows clearly, it is really difficult to tell when fundamentalist believers and the anti-science folks are being truthful or not...because it is too insane to decipher. But, it is a nice toy anyway.)

E-mails Say The Darndest Things.

Alright, here are two e-mail strawmen-lists regarding liberal vs. conservative politics taken from America's favorite source of idiocy, bigotry, and outright hilarity! Please, enjoy.

"21 Ways To Be a Good Democrat.
* You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
* You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
* You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.
* You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
* You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the Earth’s climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUVs.
* You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.
* You have to believe that AIDS virus is spread by a lack of Federal funding.
* You have to believe that the same teacher who can’t teach 4 th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
* You have to believe that hunters don’t care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
* You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
* You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make “The Passion Of The Christ” for financial gain only.
* You have to believe the National Rifle Association (NRA) is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
* You have to believe that taxes are low, but ATM fees are too high.
* You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem (feminists) are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee, Thomas Edison and Alexander Graham Bell.
* You have to believe that standardized tests are racists, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
* You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.
* You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn’t worked anywhere it’s been tried because the right people haven’t been in charge.
* You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belonged in the White House.
* You have to believe that homosexual parades display drag, transvestites and beastiality should be Constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
* You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the communist Chinese Government is somehow in the best interests of the United States.
* You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy."

lulz "beastiality". The folks at FSTDT had quite a few good responses to this. But, here is a related e-mail with a similar theme, except directed at Republicans. I find that it works well enough.

"1. You have to believe that teenagers shouldn't learn about safe sex because ignorance is the best way to prevent pregnancy, and besides, only those homos get AIDS and you thank God for that.
2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to lead all kids in prayer regardless of their faith as long as it's your faith. 3.You have to believe it is intelligent to buy a gun to protect your family and home despite the fact that you are?40 times more likely to kill your own family member than an intruder.
4.You have to believe that it's OK to have an affair as long as you divorce your spouse after you've been caught and marry the mistress. (Dole, Reagan, Gingrich, Barr,etc.)
5.You have to believe that your SUV should be exempt from emission standards even though it spews out 4 times the pollution of any car, because you enjoy sitting high above the congested traffic.
6. You have to believe abortion is always wrong because all lives are precious and you'll kill any doctor who performs one.
7. You have to believe that the minimum wage should be outlawed because thanks to the extreme generosity of corporations you are overpaid.
8. You have to believe that your children will have a well-rounded education by banning books in the public schools and libraries.
9. You have to believe that in case the government goes bad, you'll need your handgun to successfully fight off an organized army that has tanks, aircraft, battleships, missiles, satellites, and 2 million well-trained soldiers.
10. You have to believe that the NRA is good because it supports a self-serving portion of the Constitution, but the ACLU is bad because it supports all portions of the Constitution, even the right for your fellow Klansmen to have a parade in a Jewish neighborhood.
11. You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large multinational corporations should make decisions affecting all mankind with no regulation whatsoever.
12. You have to believe that diversity on your presidential ticket means two Texas millionaire oilmen from different corporations.
13. You have to believe the Hate Crimes Bill is bad because it gives "special protection" to a group of people, but think that laws that prohibit citizens from suing Tobacco Corporations, Gun-makers and HMOs are not special protection.
14. You have to believe that freedom of speech is cherished as long as you like what is being said. 15.You have to believe that over the past 20 years, no Presidential primary is complete without the name Dole and/or Bush on it.
16.You have to believe that trickle-down economics works because the rich surely won't keep all that money to themselves.Look how well it worked during the Reagan-Bush years.
17.You have to believe Clinton is bad because he lied about a private sexual indiscretion under oath, but Ronald "I don't remember" Reagan and George "I wasn't there" Bush are heroes because they lied under oath about illegally selling arms to Iranian militants and giving the cash to drug-smuggling Nicaraguan Contras.
18. You have to believe that its OK for government to sanction religion just as long as it's your religion.
19. You have to believe the homosexual agenda is to get a purple Tele-Tubby to turn our children gay.
20. You have to believe that hunters need assault weapons to assist in natural selection, because they shoot only the starving and sick animals and will not shoot that magnificent 12-point stag. 21. You have to believe that Reagan's tripling the deficit was good for the economy.
22. You have to believe that the best leaders to espouse family values are those with one or more failed marriages (Dole, Reagan, Gingrich, Barr, Limbaugh, etc.)
23. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you are millionaire conservative radio jock, which makes it an "illness" and needs our prayers for "recovery."
24. You have to believe that the members of your national convention represent a good cross-sectional and diverse group of Americans.
25. You have to believe that a national sales tax is better than income tax because everyone uses the same proportion of their income to buy food, clothing, and housing, but really, the only good tax is one which only the poor pay.
26. You have to believe Jesus was a Conservative and shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton. You also ask yourself "What would Jesus Do?" and completely ignore the fact that he stayed out of politics, never tried to get a law passed, never tried to obtain wealth, nor spoke of divisive drivel.
27. You believe that charitable organizations should take care of the poor and then give nothing to charity (i.e. Dick Cheney).
28. You believe that a rape victim should be forced to raise her attacker's offspring and then fight her attempts to get welfare when she tries to do so.
29. You have to believe a poor, minority student with a disciplinary history and failing grades will be admitted into an elite private school with a $1,000 voucher (Dubya doesn't count, because he's not a minority. He just became President with the minority).
30. You have to believe that a great way to lower air pollution is to get others to ride mass transit; that way you can get to work in your SUV much faster.
31. You have to believe the talk of Randy Weaver and David Koresh are more important than actions of Franklin Roosevelt and Martin Luther King, and what happened at Ruby Ridge is more important than what happened at Selma, Alabama.
32. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton was crazy for talking to spirits in the White House, but Nancy Reagan is OK for consulting astrologers to help her decide U.S. policies while Ronnie was in the hospital.
33. You have to believe everything that is said by right-wing wackos on talk radio.
34) You have to believe that Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him with chemical weapons to fight Iran, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney was doing business with him for Halliburton, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
35) You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old growth U.S. forests is well worth the extinction of several species of plants and animals therein. Besides, it will prevent forest fires.
36) You have to believe that Aid to Mothers with Dependent children is wasteful, but giving tax breaks to companies moving American jobs overseas is just what government is for.
37) You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong because it is communist, but trading with China and Vietnam is good.
38) You have to believe that the public has a right to know what the government is doing but that Bush was right to censor those 28 pages from the Congressional 9/11 report because you just can't handle the truth."

I may be biased, but I think that this last one is a little bit more of a slam-dunk than the first one. But, then again, I can more easily dismiss the first one as flawed caricature and accept this one as a legitimate critique simply because of how I identify myself politically. Funny how that works...oh well, I doubt that it is indicative of a larger flaw in the way that politics work and the way that humans think, in general....

Atheism: As conceived by those who believe that atheism is inconceivable.

This, my friends, is a flow chart showing how one becomes addicted to atheism!
And here I thought that my daily PCP binges and delicious baby corpse supply were enough to be addicted to. But, apparently, I am also addicted to not believing in god(s). It's like crack to me, I just can't enough of "no God". But, don't take my word for it! Let's go through the process, so that I could admit to all my fellow snorters of the cocaine of naturalism, and finally accept my grievous ailment.

Okay, first symptom is "sin". I have a strong desire to do something morally wrong, that nice, ethically infallible religion would expressly forbid me from doing. I know that I explicitly said to myself, when learning about Judaism, that I would never join them because I have strong desire to eat non-kosher foods. I explicitly forbade myself from becoming a Muslim because I am not the kind of guy who likes to fast, and I really don't that whole pray five times a day thing. I have a schedule to keep, dammit, and I need myself a deity that can understand that! And, after years of searching, I finally came upon Christianity, and saw that they didn't allow people to have sex before marriage! Well, since obviously no Christian could ever break that moral code and still consider themselves sincerely to be amongst the ranks of the saved, I decided to shun Christianity in order to live a carefree of debauched sex that no Christian has ever lived in the course of known history.

The second symptom would be redundant, but I need to see how badly I am afflicted. So, I ask myself, "am I angry with God"? Well, obviously. I am an atheist; the only way that I could fall into such a wretched state is if something catastrophic happened in my past to drive me away from the default assumption which every human being should have crammed into their head: that there is a God, and it is the one described in the Bible, with no possible deviations at all. So, logically, if something bad happened to me, then God is not just, and therefore there cannot possibly be any gods at all. At least that is what my pastor told me before I ran him down with my tractor.

Third symptom is follower syndrome. Yep. Got a boatload of that. There are atheists swarming all around in my neck of the woods, we have congregations where we meet and make sure that we have identical beliefs, and every single idea I have in my head is directly taken from a Richard Dawkins book. I only do what I am told, make arguments that have been made a thousands times before, and refuse to change my position. At complete odds with the religious in that regard.

And now, for the product of those three initial drives: discarding of God. I guess, as an atheist, I have done that. If I hadn't, well...I guess I need a better dictionary.

Oh, and now for the results! First, there is a sense of freedom, where the world becomes topsy-turvy, where sin becomes acceptable, virtue becomes meaningless, and you are exempt from any possible consequences for indulging in your desire to spend hours sodomizing cats. There just is no morality without Jesus looking over your shoulder.

And, our second result is narcissism, where we become our own god when there is none to worship. This sounds about right, as I have yet to meet an arrogant, narcissitic, or prideful religious person in my entire life. There is absolutely no way that you can use your faith to vicariously elevate yourself over others...at all.

This all leads to the inevitable loss of purpose inherent in refusing to accept the undeniable reality that we are all Jesus's divine Chia Pet. Without using excessive theology to explain why we humans obviously have a purpose in the grand scheme things (no matter how crappy that purpose truly is.), we are left without value, and left in a dark depression that forces us to accept the Truth that is Jesus Christ! (Please disregard the fact that a similar depression supposedly leads away from religion...)

And, failing to do this, you are banished to a temporary eternity of hedonism and arguments against religion, since Christianity is the only surefire cure for your physical urges and your desire to tear down establishments through ranting and polemic! Accept Jesus today, and you too can be free from the endless cycle that has been brought upon you by your strong urge to kill, your tragic memory of your little sister drowning at summer camp, and the vile temptations that are the writings of Richard Dawkins. Fight your terrible, unspeakable desires, put your obvious hatred of God for tragedies of yesteryear behind you, and stop worshipping those atheistic authors, and you too can trick yourself into believing that you have the answers, and yet feel as if that is not an inherently egotistic way of thinking. Reclaim your life's purpose today, and get a free T-shirt! *

(Note: You already own the T-shirt, and you will be instructed to give it to yourself upon winning the contest. If you do not own a T-shirt already, you will be instructed to buy one yourself and the expenses will be put toward the contest entry fee, which will be exactly equal to the price of the T-shirt. Offer not valid in Utah, Ohio, or Wyoming, for reasons known only to me and the women who have restraining orders against me in those states. We will not be held legally responsible if your T-shirt happens to suck.)

Where the second set of footprints really went...

The devil may be the one admitting it, but you know that Jesus must have gone piggyback and pushed cocaine on us during at least one occasion. It would be negligent of him to not do so...

Ten Things We Have In Common

Ten things that believers and unbelievers have in common:

1. We are both human. Sometimes a little too human.
2. We both have feelings (and they can be hurt...I think...)
3. We both enjoy our occasional picture cube program, intertube surfage, or soundbox listening.
4. We can both agree that this guy is insane.
5. We are both imperfect (whether or not we can seriously admit it).
6. We both love love and beauty.
7. We both hate hate and injustice.
8. We both have lives and parts of ourselves that are not solely dictated by religious belief (or lack thereof).
9. ....
10. Profit!

Isn't this special.

This nice little Christofascist has decided to take it upon himself to speak for his God and point out who is going to hell (surprisingly, including entire websites on his list...can blogs burn for eternity?).

Honorable mentions:
"P.Z Myers : P.Z. Myers is not only a Atheist of the worst sort, he is a scientist who promotes the lies of man kind evolving from primate love. NSFA."

"Barack Obama Hussein Bin Laden: Muslim, Pro-Homosexual, Pro-Abortion, America hater. Carries the curse of Ham." (He damns Hillary too, but it is less hilariously wrong/racist).

"The Evil Atheist Conspiracy: Satan worship in 6 languages complete the mark of the beast. Their motto, “We’re after your children and pets.” NSFC"

"Landover Baptist: THE MINSITRY ISN’T HELLBOUND BUT THE FORUMS ARE!
WARNING: A real church web site but it is under constant attack by Liberals and Atheists making the forums there full of UN-Patriotic propganda. It is frequented by Liberal con artists and who spread lies and abominations. The Front page are articles are safe but the Forums are NSFW, NSFC, NSFA, NSFH."

"4Chan: Evil and Liberalism abound like the Black Plague. “4chan is a simple sinful image-based bulletin board where anyone can post comments and share images.” This vile site offers more pornography and free thinking than Playboy magazine. NSFW, NFFW, NSFC<21"

Well...I've got to agree with him on the last one...but his obliviousness in regards to Landover Baptist and Evil Atheist Conspiracy is just priceless!

Edit: Wow...guess this explains why he took Landover Baptist seriously! Place is a Poe site, just like Landover! Guess I'm a bit late to the game on this one....

A Day in the Life of Fundie McStrawman

Inspired by severe idiocy:

This morning, as rotund everyman, Fundie McStrawman, sat across the table from his wife, he thought back to the time when he had first met her as he downed his first bottle of breakfast scotch. That day, in 1984, he had assessed her worth as a demure, subservient homemaker. She was young and plump enough to be able to plop out child after child like a good woman should, she knew when to shut up, and she had all the same superstitions that he had. She was of breeding age, of course (a ripe old age of sixteen), and so he deemed her to be suitable as a contractual sex-slave, or "wife" as his parents demanded that he call her.

"I love you Fundie", she told me.

"You blasphemous, worldly fool of a woman," Fundie replied. "You must not love anyone or anything in this world more than you love Jesus, your Lord and Savior! We are not of this world, we are Heaven-bound, and wasting affections meant for our wonderful God on one another is not what God intended! Do you want to make the Baby Jesus cry with neglect! Do you want your undeniable worldly lusts for me to cloud your judgments about what love for our Creator is!"

"No, Fundie", she replied, deligently picking up the broken shards of the plate he threw against the wall in his rage.

At which point, the phone rang, and Fundie waited for his wife to pick up the phone and bring it to him, as picking up the telephone was women's work. On the phone was his illegitimate daughter, Juliet, asking Fundie how he was and if he had received his birthday present.

"You idiot child", he shouted. "Physical possessions are nothing more than a luxurious distraction from our duty to revere our Lord above all else! How dare you attempt to tempt with worldly objects, with wealth, with trinkets, to drive me away from my personal relationship with Jesus Christ! I will not stand for it! I will not allow my bastard spawn to tempt into sin, to leave me coveting, addicted to presents and gifts like your mother to cocaine! Get off this phone line, I only talk to people that Jesus likes, and atheistic, Darwinist, heathen bastard children like yourself are none of Jesus's concern!"

"I love you daddy", she replied tearfully. "I love you and I always will".

He felt that this reply warranted an irrational outburst, so Fundie spent two hours screaming into the phone. Psychologically, Fundie was in a troubled state, perturbed by the lack of faith and righteousness in his own family. "How sin has infested our society," he said, "indoctrinating young and old alike with such progressive and hedonistic notions." It was in that condition that Fundie answered the doorbell, after his wife refused to do so while crying in the bathroom. A man in a plain blue shirt stood in the doorway.

"Hello", he said. Fundie stared at the car in his driveway. It had no cross hanging from the rear-view mirror, no bumper stickers expressing praise for America, Jesus, or even to the Republican party, all of which disturbed Fundie to the core of his being . "Hello", he replied, after three minutes staring at the patently un-Christian vehicle.."I'm a representative from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation", he said. "I'm collecting money to help care for the sick and dying in Africa. Could you be so kind as to help?". This was too much. Fundie chastised him with a blow to the temple. As the ungodly atheist minion lay dazed on the floor, he contemplated rushing to the kitchen, grabbing a knife, and ridding the world of a dangerous demon-possessed servant of darkness. But then Fundie remembered the secular prohibition against "murder", based upon the pathetic rule of mortal law, that Christians were unjustly not exempt from, preventing the act of glorifying God by slaying those who oppose his power and majesty.

Until the world was rid of such unjust, atheist-protecting laws, all he could do was yell at him ."Medicine", he explained, "will not help them if Jesus wants them to die. There would be nothing 'kind' about 'helping' them recover when it defies God's plan to do so. We need to trust in what God has deigned fit to happen, and it is not our place to try to interfere in his design with the corrupt instruments of man. If you had come to me asking if I would pray for the little dying African children, or asking me to help pay for you to spread the good Word to the unwashed heathens whose only chance of ever getting into Heaven is solely by noble white American Christians to go there and tell them to praise Jesus, I might have given some money. But, unfortunately, you did not, and are just spreading atheism and defying God's will. I'm getting my shotgun..."

With that, the man limped away, another blasphemous fool let loose on the world. "Until God and religion, and all its superstitious tenets and irrational legacy are forcibly imposed upon education, culture and society, human beings will never be free to live in a world in which people sing in unison while going to work, where the sun shines 24-hours a day, and where rainbows are edible. It baffles me that more people, observing my life, have not rallied with me behind the banner of faith in our Lord, the One True Savior, Jesus Christ. I pity those fools. Well, anyway honey, stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about! Strip down, and I'll meet you in the bedroom in five minutes, and if you are not there, so help me God, I will beat you so that even Jesus won't recognize you! "


[Please note that I do not support any of the following: drinking before noon, teenage brides, throwing dishes, loving invisible entities and ideas in place of other people, spousal abuse, berating children for a difference in ideology, leaving children to be raised by cocaine addicted mothers because they were conceived out of wedlock, refusing physical possessions only when it suits your argument, beating charity workers, contemplating murder due to delusional motives, rationalizing people's deaths through unverifiable supernatural presuppositions, thinking oneself superior for race/nationality/belief, threatening people with shotguns, imposing your beliefs on society, feeling entitled to sex within marriage, hypocrisy, and representing a caricature of people you disagree with as an accurate, comical, and poignant critique.

If you found any of that above and are offended by it....awesome.]

Destiny Calls...

Did you hear? Apparently some guy named Nathan Bowman fell 500 feet down a mine shaft. And, guess what? He survived! Obviously, Jesus had a hand in this! But don't just take my word for it!

"Sarah Curran Smith, a vice president at Lehigh Coal [said] Bowman's survival is 'pretty unbelievable...I think the universe has bigger plans for Nathan. I hope he realizes that.'"

Yes, the universe does indeed have a purpose for Nathan, and I happen to arbitrarily know exactly what that purpose must be! For you see, we are in grave danger! The Internets are about to go extinct! I know, I thought that it was just a South Park episode, too. But it is very real! In two short years, the internet will be gone, along with all of fancy blogospheres, our cherished trolling grounds, our beloved 4-chan, our handy torrents, and our precious, precious pr0n. It will be the end of modern society as we know it! And that is why, in the same way that it is obvious that Nathan Bowman was chosen by fate to have a grand purpose in the tapestry of our existence due to living after falling down a mine shaft, it is also obvious that only a person with such a significant purpose could be the savior we need to save the internet! Nathan fits the bill, therefore, it is he alone who can save us all from the horrors of having to be antisocial and belligerent in person instead of being able to do it safely behind a keyboard.

So, young Nathan, once you end your stay in the hospital, we can begin your training. Because in only two short years, you will have no choice but to meet your destiny...Remember, you were chosen by forces beyond our comprehension for this task, Nathan...don't fail us, or reality as we know it will be torn asunder!

To Poe or Not to Poe...

Hmmmm...apparently they are going to be starting up a Christian oriented magazine on campus. It is interesting, because I've found that this going to be one of many religiously oriented student organizations on a campus with no secular based organizations (basically, no atheist groups), though I have the hunch that atheism is a little more common around here than in most parts of the countries [it's Massachusetts, ultra-liberal to the point where we do have Republican Clubs on our campuses but no Democratic Clubs, due sheerly to the fact that, if we had a Democrat Club, it would consist of almost 90% of the students and faculty]. And, it came to me, while staring at this little pamphlet talking about this magazine, asking for writers to "express their faith", that this magazine would be perfect for me!

What better test is there for a person to not only write things that they patently do not believe in, but to also do it in a low-toned, coded fashion that allows for the objective observer to see that there is more to your articles than meets the eyes. How much fun would it be to write about an issue you feel passionate about, but to completely hide the fact that you feel passionate in the complete opposite fashion as your readers and employers, yet they are none the wiser? I could just imagine how giddily I could make my submissions to that paper, writing spiritual poetry that takes tacit jabs at the common idea of God, writing editorials that explicitly condemn non-belief and sin, all while tacitly bringing into question how one could bring yourself to such condemnation without violating Christian principles. And I could see myself laughing as I send in an easily refuted piece of garbage of an argument that implicitly refutes itself, just waiting to see how the magazine responds to the off-handed rebuttals sent in response by the handful of atheists on campus who would bother to pay attention to such trash.

And, thinking about all this, pining for a way to get published and get ideas out there, while also relishing the opportunity to both bamboozle believers and weave intricate dismissals of everything that they believe in the guise of intentionally weak faith-based rhetoric, I wonder: should I go for it?

Well, if I do not do it, it would probably be for the best, and save me some real stress (especially if I am exposed and confronted for basically trying to sabotage their magazine). But, if I do do it, may Poe's Law protect and serve me well....

The Prophecy Has Been Fulfilled!

Praise unto the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and unto his mortal prophet, Bobby Henderson, for they have truly seen the light! With their infinite wisdom, they have told us many times before that global warming is caused by a dangerous undersupply of pirates. And yet you heretics scoffed, dismissing their divine foresight, adamant that there could be no such relationship. In your folly, you laughed at the prophet and our Noodley Master from Above the Mountain, Midgits, and Trees, denying their message of love and sauciness. Well, the time for your ignorance to be exposed is nigh! Behold!

It is perfectly clear from this that sudden growths in the pirate population helped to decrease global warming, and when they departed, global warming increased, just as the Great Bobby Henderson predicted! Repent now! Beg Bobby Henderson for forgiveness! The evidence of his prophetic ability is undeniable, and if you refuse to admit as much, you simply refuse to believe what is self-evidently true! I pity those of you to stubborn and close-minded to accept the obvious reality of this situation. For the rest of you, our beer volcano and stripper factory await!

Edit: On a related note, non-believers really are fools, aren't they? LOL!

Ahahahahahaha

Hahahahahaha ah heh hoo...huh...

This site may not be a joke...but it is still disturbingly hilarious

Case in point: "But God wants you to succeed, and that’s why he has given us an alternative to intercourse before marriage: anal sex."

Meh heh...ha...ummm...gotta love when people stay true to God's word by trying to find loopholes in it so that they can justify doing whatever the hell they want....


Edit: (Talking about Onan and the problem of "spilling seed") "Getting ejaculate on oneself or one’s clothing results in uncleanness that requires extensive reparations and atonement. Obviously one simple way to prevent the spillage of semen is to have your partner perform fellatio and swallow the emission"

(Can't...stop...laughing! These people have some serious problems...)

In the Spirit of Celebrating the Absurd...

I decided to come up with a doctrine for my own religion. It will be conceived in a similar manner to the Pascal's Roulette universes that I have designed below...but using none of the options assigned on the chart...Go baseless and excessive complexity! Join me, unbelievers...your conversion is nigh!

Deity: Oh, deities. How much fun has been had at their expense? From Russell's teapot, to the Invisible Pink Unicorn, all the way to the Flying Spaghetti Monster (pasta be upon him), many parodies have arisen in how difficult it is to disprove the nature of god or gods, allowing to basically say whatever the hell you want. Which leads me to the following completely unverifiable conclusion of the nature of all of existence as we know it, and if you think I am wrong, prove me wrong:

It has been revealed by prophecy that the universe as we know it is controlled by massive horde of irradiated half-fish/half-chipmunk/half-pterodactyls that exist beyond human senses, and beyond the irrelevant constrictions of mortality and space-time. These creatures reside within the 53rd dimension, and are latched onto every seventeenth human being born during a leap year, or to anyone who bastes themselves in tabasco sauce. In addition, these creatures are personally responsible for giving us the illusion of the reality that is around us, which serves to hide their presence from us. They personally deceive us by manipulating the appearances of this world to make it appear as if it follows the laws of nature and physics consistently, but only do so to mess with us, because we are more tasty when we are confused.

These creatures, henceforth known as Omegapisces, are responsible for creating the reality that we know out of extradimensional soap, before vomitting the collective human mind into existence, and deceiving them into perceiving the universe as we see it, for the transcendent lulz.

Doctrine: Because the Omegapisces enjoy when we are confused, they will be incredibly angry if you realize that they exist. Followers of the Truth that is their existence, however, deliberately worship the false idol Chuck Norris, in order to satiate the Omegapisces desire for humans to be blatantly incorrect, in order to keep an internet meme alive, and in order to make the Bible-beater Norris really peeved. Only those that worship Chuck Norris or other arbitrary and absurdly incorrect messiahs will be favored among the ranks of the Omegapisces.
In addition, in order to be latched upon by the Omegapisces, one must not only be confused and remain confused as expected above, but you must also either be one of the lucky few who are automatically latched on to, born each leap year, or you must bathe within tabasco sauce and sing the haunting melody of the Extradimensional Dinner Call. Only under those conditions can you attain the state of being fused with a parasitic extradimensional Omegapisces.

Eating or harming fish, small mammals, or anything with wings will immediately cause you to lose favor with your guardian parasite and will leave abandoned, and only upon redeeming yourself by chopping off a digit, or limb, can you receive another Omegapisces. In addition, you must not ever speak to other people about anything pertaining to geography, physics, water vessels, weather, bacteria, electricity, Zionism, or foreign automobiles, as these things cause great terror to our half-fish/half-chipmunk/half-pterodactyl overlords, and will prompt them to flee from your presence if you dare to speak of such ineffable things.

Violence, sexual activity, kindness, or civility of any form are of no concerns to these beings, and as such, one has been latched on to will not lose such status for those petty misdeeds, nor gain them.

Afterlife: The best afterlife is observed only by those who were privileged by being latched on to by a Omegapisces before their death. As such, their consciousness survives bodily death, and they enter the 53rd dimension, and immediately thereafter join the ranks of the Omegapisces. Those who knew of the Omegapisces, and worshipped a ridiculous deity instead, but did not have an Omegapisces latch onto them, will survive death and keep their individual consciousness. They will also be given a golden star sticker. Those who knew of the Omegapisces and did not worship anything will receive the same fate, but get no sticker. Those who worshipped the Omegapisces will die an early death and be banished to the Room of Slight Discomfort for the rest of eternity. Those who sincerely worshipped a seemingly legitimate god will be consumed by the Omegapisces, and will be regurgitated into the collective consciousness from which all human minds were originally drawn from. Those who sincerely worshipped ridiculous gods will just die. Just. Die. Those who worshipped no gods at all, yet did not know of the Omegapisces, will be survive death with an individual consciousness, but will have to wear a goofy hat to forever display the shameful reality that s/he never discovered the Truth in order to properly deny its existence.

The collective consciousness pool is continually redumped into existence until they are finally introduced into an illusory reality where they can finally realize the Truth, instead of continuing the trend of being guillible failures like in previous lives. Individual consciousnesses that remain in the 53rd dimension and have no turned into Omegapisces will be able to reincarnate in a privileged position in reality and with some memories of their former life in order to more effectively attain the goals that the others reintegrated into existence can only stumble upon.

Conclusion: Reality as we know it is an illusion established by fish/chipmunk/pterodactyl hybrids from another dimension that will only feed upon us, and thus provide us with the ability to join their ranks, if we deny their existence, bathe in tabasco sauce, refuse to eat certain vague categories of meat, and avoid speaking about certain arbitrary taboo topics. If we fail to do so, we are doomed to either outright die, be exiled to eternal discomfort, have our minds shuffled around with the rest of the human population and shoved back into the illusory reality, or kept relatively preserved, informed of the true nature of existence, and later shoved back into the illusory reality intact (though with altered memories). Are you foolish enough to risk not escaping this endless and dangerous cycle? To refuse the Truth as I set it out plainly before you, and clearly explain the risks of not unconsciously realizing it to be so, while outwardly denying it? Please...repent now! Sever your left pinkie, bathe in tabasco sauce, recite the Extradimensional Dinner Call, worship Chuck Norris, and live your life restraining yourself from affronting the great Omegapisces now, before it is too late!

Look at what I made! Look!

What can I say...I was bored...

Maxims, Musings, and Manslaughter, Part One

If the Matrix trilogy was actually a documentary, does that mean that I should stop taking Viagra if I want to help defend the City of Zion? And does it also justify my fear of getting sucked through telephones? Also...does it mean that my friend wasn't lying when he was drunk and telling me how he dodged bullets? I need answers now!

Zionist Conspriacies And The Homosexual Agenda: Subtitle; Maybe Hitler Was On To Something, Parentheses Racism.

Anyone else think that the Jews are secretly running our society, and trying to use their influence in Hollywood and politics to brainwash the general public into supporting Israel? Because I know that a lot of educated people agree with me on this on, and everyone else who does not agree is a filthy Jew sympathizer and/or a filthy Jew and/or an ignorant liberal hippie and/or a government assassin sent to spy on my activity and undermine my beliefs. You will not win this war, Mr. Thompson! And I will keep burning crosses on your lawn until you admit it!

Anyway, the Jews are obviously trying to promote the homosexual agenda, and are doing so through the television media shows, such as Will and Grace, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, and professional wrestling. But they have come to a new low by having kids in the government classrooms being put into brainwashing courses teaching them to "tolerate" the godless gays who are trying to terrorize our country by infecting innocent citizens with the HIV. It's bad enough that they have the filthy liberal lie that is the "Holocaust" still being taught as fact in the history classes, along with the horrible falsehoods of noble Christians having mistreated those conniving, money-grubbing, Jesus-killing Jews in the past. I can tolerate those deceptions because the public schools cannot change the Truth that is my perception of reality. But, when they start trying to convert children to homosexuality, that is where they cross the line!

So, all of you liberal homosexual atheistic Jew hippies, trying to push your agenda on innocent young boys and girls with the God-given right to hate who their parents hate: the next time my boy sees two men kissing and refuses to verbally berate them as sinners for doing so, I will personally hunt down Stephen Speilberg, and hang his head above the mantle of fireplace! So help me God, I'll do it!

Until then, dear readers, do your part to assure that the Jews do not reach their desired goals of destroying the white race through trickery and Jew-lies, and thus gain complete control over the Middle East. Here's what you can do to help:
1. Don't watch movies and television programs that are not explicitly anti-Semitic.
2. Do not pay attention to anything that government officials or teachers say (that's how they get you!).
3. Make sure to remain hateful of anyone not like you, just in case...
4. Do not have sex with members of another race. Everytime you do, somewhere, a kitten dies....and turns into a Jew.
5. Send me $500.00 via e-mail.

If you do all of these things, I can promise you that the Illuminati will not have slit all of our throats to attain their nefarious goals for at least another eight months. I know you can do it!

Love, Jim-bob.