In Memoriam: The Week of May 12- August 25 (What? Busy Summer)

Insanity of the Day: When ironic punishment goes wrong, an angel cries. Mostly due to Jesus throwing a hissy fit and beating them out of frustration.

Blog Description: Where the End of Days is always just beyond tomorrow.

Wisdom from the Bowels of the Abyss: "Give a woman a fish, and you feed her for a day (and she is obliged to have sex with you in return). Teach a woman to fish, and you have just encouraged her to abandon her family, and her duties as a mother, a wife, a housekeeper, in order to fulfill her own selfish desires for self-worth and satiation of hunger. This horrible blunder, if repeated, leads to the degradation of the family, and the fall of society as we know it. I mean, seriously, what is wrong with you?"-Jesus, shortly after joining the Republican party.

Poll: Do you think that intelligent design should be taught in schools?
No. 0 (0%) Definitely no. 0 (0%) Absolutely not! 1 (100%) Maybe, but only if the students are in a coma. 0 (0%)

About Me: I am an emaciated hobo chained in a sick serial killer's basement with nothing more than a toothpick, a Nintendo Wii, and Wi-fi access to provide for my escape. I must relay my message to the outside world and get someone to come save me, without ever giving away the exact location of his imprisonment. If I fail to obey the rules of the game, by giving out identifying details of either myself or my captor, my head will be crushed in by an ornamental mace, and my corpse will be violated repeatedly before the police arrive on the scene.
Please, please, someone find me! I have left hints regarding my whereabouts in a total of two-dozen 500 character documents of an unintelligible gibberish. Someone, please rescue me. The meals here are subpar, the floor is too hard to sleep on, and I can't keep playing Wii Sports forever!
Location: London, South Jersey Shore, Egypt.

In Memoriam: May 5 to May 11

Insanity of the Day: It's true. They are being oppressed. And the Jews also control the government. It's a shame, really.

(Editor's note: the Jews do not control the government. Sleep, America. Sleeeeeep.)




Wisdom from the Bowels of the Abyss: "Heaven: a place where you get to go after death in order to do all the things that you have moral objections to in life."-The Gospel according to popular interpretation


Poll: Which of the following would you do if you met Satan walking down the street?

Run away. That's what heroes do! (100%)
Worship him, 'cause I'm edgy.(0)
Challenge him to a fiddling contest.(0)
Sell him your soul, and then get Daniel Webster to defend your right to keep that soul in court proceedings, just to be a douche. (0)
Buy him a cold brewsky and have a nice chat with him. He of all people needs someone to be friendly to him, just once...(0)


Blog Description: A wonderful place where the lobotomies are free, and everything is laced with PCP.

Profile:A man of few words. Most of them lies.
Location: The Realm of Shadow and Madness, South Detroit, U.S.A.

In Memoriam: Week of April 27 to May 4

Insanity of the Day: The way to Hell may be paved with good intentions...but you really don't want to know what the way to Heaven has been paved with...

Wisdom from the Bowels of the Abyss: "Drinking and driving isn't dangerous. Do you know what is really dangerous? Taking a hit of LSD, and going hunting."-A drunk.

Poll: What level of consciousness is your favorite?

-Crystal clear consciousness, to the point of obsessiveness
-Dulled consciousness, for that perpetually groggy feel
-Altered consciousness, because if I am not hallucinating it, I do not care for it.
-No consciousness, because sleeping is awesome.

(No votes this week. I just stopped caring...)

Blog Description: A haven for the infirm, sadistic, baby-eating psychopaths that only the internet could love.

Profile: A creature of utmost mystery, who is only witnessed periodically by denizens of mental wards or classrooms (understandable, given that in many locations, the two are effectively indistinguishable from one another). Some believe that s/he is an entity beyond space and time, whose appearance is an omen of impending tragedy. These same people posit that s/he has existed throughout recorded history, though was simply too focused on getting drunk to care much about human affairs.
Other people tend to believe that this horrible being is a monstrosity sent from the 19th dimension to stir confusion and dissent, in order to more effectively steal all of the planet's peanut butter fudge supply, which will be later used to restore life to her/his barren homeworld. The invasion will occur soon thereafter.
Still others insist that s/he is merely a figment of a few naive and deranged imaginations.
But, one thing is certain: s/he is now on the internet. And there will be much wrath, quavering, and raisinets...

Location: Everywhere, Nowhere. Country unknown.

In Memoriam: Week of April 20 to April 26

Insanity of the Day: This one is a little too subtle for me...but I think it is implying that the justice system is somehow prejudiced. Who knew?


Wisdom from the Bowels of the Abyss: "So, this one time, during the Christmas season, I was doing my Christmas shopping, and was well along on my list, feeling all holly and jolly, when suddenly...I saw it. I felt....I felt so...violated. It was a sign that stood, towering above the K-Mart, looming like a Jolly Roger, declaring war against all that we hold near and dear to our hearts. In big, blood-red letters, it shrieked out to helpless customers 'Happy Holidays', a statement so vulgar, so cruel, so sadistic in its tacit dismissal of the existence of Christmas, that it is practically smacking Jesus in the face everytime that the phrase is uttered. I begged the manager to take it down, telling him how offensive it was. I was on the verge of tears...but he would not budge. He refused to acknowledge how heartless and destructive his Godless banner was...refused to see how much pain and anguish he was causing to innocent children who had the misfortune of seeing that horrible phrase, and have their entire holiday ruined by the hatred and intolerance behind such a declaration.And that is why it was justified homicide, your honor."

-Bill O' Reilly, after taking the concept of a culture war too literally.


Poll: If you could offer up an innocent child as a blood sacrifice to the forgotten gods of the darkened upper echelons of reality, would you?

No. Unless it was that annoying neighbor kid.
1 (100%) [All me! What a disturbingly masturbatory process I have going on here...]
Yes, as long as the god offered good healthcare.
0 (0%)
Yes, for any reason, any time, anywhere. Let me at 'em.
0 (0%)
No. Because I am afraid of being arrested.
0 (0%)

Blog Description: Violating your basic human rights, for fun and profit.


Profile: He who was determined by the prophecy to bring upon the land a temporary peace in a time of relatively less peace, only to later wreak havoc, overthrow empires, eat kittens, and have promiscuous sex with naive young altar boys. And the cheese...oh, the horrible things that will occur involving cheese...

Until that bleak point in the not too distant future, the comparatively young Asylum Seeker entertains himself with doodling apocalyptic landscapes, laughing diabolically atop burning buildings, and plotting assassinations for the lulz.

Currently trying to hide his cocaine stash within the hollowed out corpse of a transvetite hooker. Mood: paranoid.

Location: Suicide Flats, Utah

Linkage

Atheist sites:
http://www.nobeliefs.com/ (Once you've read through some of the quotes, the articles, and comedy material offered, the only thing this site has to offer is the occassional news and video link. Still, nice site to go to if you haven't already spent hours on it previously).
http://whydoesgodhateamputees.com/god5.htm
http://www.fstdt.com/ (You can comment on the horrible fundie comments that are dragged onto the site, so, needless to say, it is rather addictive).
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/ (Warning: parody site!)
http://www.infidels.org/
http://www.positiveatheism.org/index.shtml
http://www.godlessgeeks.com/ (especially http://www.godlessgeeks.com/LINKS/GodProof.htm)
http://richarddawkins.net/
http://godisimaginary.com/i11.htm
http://www.rationalresponders.com/

Atheist/Agnostic blogs:
http://gods4suckers.net/ (Loads of hilarious posts to wade through)
http://friendlyatheist.com/
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/
http://debunkingchristianity.blogspot.com/
http://www.enterthejabberwock.com/ (Make sure to check out the Chick tract dissections)
http://www.atheists.org/nogodblog/
http://www.possummomma.blogspot.com/
http://uncrediblehallq.blogspot.com/

Religious resources:
http://www.religioustolerance.org/index.htm (Religions of all kinds, offered up objectively...which means that it happens to favor atheist's arguments most of the time. Convenient, no?)

Christian sites:
http://www.crossroad.to/ (Makes seemingly convincing arguments...but still excessively adherent to her perception of what the Bible demands of Christians. So, basically, typical fundie.)
http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/ (Note: disorganized and often unintelligible)
http://www.jesus-is-lord.com/ (As above)
http://www.tencommandments.org/ (Really hates gays and atheists...it's disturbing, really).
http://www.chick.com/default.asp (His religious tracts are legendary...but not in a good way...)
http://logosresourcepages.org/idx_occult.htm (Even funnier if you are familiar with Dungeons and Dragons, et. al.)
http://christiananswers.net/spotlight/home.html (Movie reviews + Christian sensibilities=hilarious)
http://christiancrosstalk.blogspot.com/ (Won't stop ranting about the evils of atheism...scary...)

Some of these are obscure and probably of little interest to most people. Others of them are incredibly popular to the extent that I probably shouldn't even mention them. But, hey...doing things that make sense is not my style!

In Memoriam: Week of April 13-19.

Insanity of the Day: "Interesting fact: Disembodied arms emerging from books are the number one cause of abortion. Husbands, keep those books away from the lady-folk!"

Wisdom from the Bowels of the Abyss: "I will tear your lower intestine out from your throat if you do not sit down, shut up, and accept your place as the lobotomized cretin that you, in all actuality, happen to be. I swear to God, if you let one more inane syllable fall from your slackjawed mouth, I will personally sterilize you with a cattleprod in front of the class, and they will cheer. Do you want that? Do you! Yeah...I thought so..."
-Every public high school teacher in approximately 10 years.

Poll: In your opinion, are there enough white supremacists on the internets?
Yes, they are well represented (50%)
No. The internet is discriminating against our white brothers! (0%)
There are no racists on the internet, silly! (50%)
What are white supremacists? (0%)
I plead the fifth. (0%)

Blog Description: Drunken rantings and ravings from beyond the protective cloak of internet anonymity.

Profile:
Edge of Oblivion, New Jersey, United States
Your typical pre-adolescent to post-retirement male, who enjoys long, leisurely walks on the beach, drinking the soda pop, playing whatever game he gets his filthy paws on, and bathing in the blood of innocents during each full moon in order to prevent the hobgoblins from eating me while I sleep. If you try to figure out anything about other than the despicable lies that I feed to you through the intertubes, I will find you and commit unspeakable deeds that will haunt your dreams for the rest of your bleak, meaningless existence! Oh, and my favorite color is blue.


Good bye, week of April 13-19, 2008. You will be missed...